I feel like Herbert Lom (or Scrat) ...

I can tell that I am starting to look a little worn out. It is close to my nadir (low point), so 'flu like symptoms and weariness peak.Skin is pale with blotches. Hair is limp and eyebrows thin and half-missing. Arthur admitted I look like I've not been well. My eyes have been twitching like mad all day, signalling a magnesium deficiency. I've taken heaps but obviously need more. For those of you who don't know, Herbert Lom is that guy in the old Pink Panther movies whose eye twitched constantly under stress!

We are going camping - in a TENT! It appears to have given Arthur an excuse to buy new camping gear including 4 new sleeping bags (I was really daunted at the idea of being cold), a stove and a 'fridge. He's packed 50L of water, and I've packed all the food (cans and noodles, etc) and dishwash, and the list goes on. Thankfully we have found the most adorable ladies to look after our dog. They are Chinese twins who do a dog grooming service, and their garden is a zen heaven (I'm going to take pictures). I'll tell you more about the trip another day .....

Ups 'n' downs

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, because every day is busy and I usually end up to tired or distracted to write. Some days I feel flat and there’s nothing to express; it’s been so sad to find out a friend has a recurrence of cancer, or my ex-school friend Jess is dying from brain tumours.


I found myself dreading the last round of chemo; funny that, as it was the last of the actual chemotherapy (which interferes with cell division). I shall remain on Herceptin (an immuno-theraputic drug) for several months and the effects should mainly be ‘flu-like symptoms (with a frequently runny/itchy nose) and possible slight heart muscle deterioration (manifest as shortness of breath, etc.). That’s much less irritating than the eye-tics, photosensitivity, muscle spasm, raw mouth linings, joint aches, dizziness and exhaustion I have been feeling of late. I started off quite energetically but have found that the cumulative effects of chemotherapy have started to take their toll. I was doing relief teaching a couple of weeks ago, but have recently lost interest in schlepping 40min across town to do half a day’s work for $100.

So, back to the last chemo session ... I guess I didn’t look forward to it in the same way you’d not want to eat the same food that had made you puke a week ago. Your body seems to have a memory, and mine remembered the nausea of previous sessions – I was surprised to feel queasy two days before chemo! Perhaps I was also dreading the cardiac gated test to measure heart efficiency, as it involved two injections. Well, it all didn’t turn out to be too bad at all. I met my two lovely compatriots and their family supporters, and we all had a good natter. In fact, I would have liked a little meditation time but that didn’t work out. Funny how you spend 5.5 hours in the place and there’s never a dull moment! After speaking with Ursula, I decided to treat myself and NOT use the cold gloves this time – what a pleasure that was! Obviously I had to use the cold cap, as I don’t want my hair falling out at this stage (actually it seems quite thick on top and needs another cut, so that’s nice).

As usual, I had a sleep afterwards, but I did have enough energy to go to the Moon Lantern Festival where we met up with our friends. It was festive! We loved the large, tissue-thin lanterns of all sizes and shapes, lit from within. I had lots of energy the next day too, and no nausea thanks to the $25 pill I took (they come in an exclusive pack of two).

Thursday was the kids’ Sports Day, so I went to watch them and take photos. Though it was cloudy with a chilly wind at first, by midday it was so hot that both Fran and I got sunburnt. That’s springtime in Adelaide! Alternately nippy and sweaty – or is it my hot flushes? I’ve also developed a fairly continuous pulsing in my left ear that’s a worry.

Yesterday (Monday) I went on the first of a 12 week course run by Belle, my lovely naturopath, on how to empower yourself to heal. She showed us references to research that shows that having a positive mindset and having hope are tangible influences on a good prognosis after cancer. An important way to achieve these is through the practicing of mindfulness, or meditation. We did a meditation, but as usual I got distracted by all sorts of mind-chatter. Not surprising as I had just listened to introductions from 12 other people who mostly seem to be going through horrific cancer experiences – two were young beautiful girls with rare lymphomas. Belle has explained that fear is a natural reaction, but it’s important not to get stuck in fear (which takes courage). I was glad that I had started yoga classes, as meditation is part of these sessions too, and I can practice there as well.

Today we did housecleaning with my friend Marisha. The girls were very helpful, and we all worked very hard to make the house all sparkly and clean. As a reward we went to Maccas (McDonalds) for a chicken wrap [don’t tell the kids, but mine tasted like crap, as my taste buds have died].

Yep. Every day is a new adventure with chemotherapy. Hopefully I’ll become a little more even-keeled as the worst effects wear off. I’ve been bitchy and irritable, trying to get my family to do the right things around the house (like put dirty plates into the dishwasher, dirty socks into the laundry basket). Though some of this frustration is physiological, I wonder if part of it is a worry that if I were not around my family would consist of three computer addicts drowning in a cesspool of rotting take-away containers ……

Chemotherapy - every day a new adventure!

It looks like all the teaching, a late-night party and trekking around the Royal Adelaide Show have started to take their toll on me. I did relief teaching at a high school two days this week and I am done - I certainly don't have the energy I used to.

The dripping and raw nose has started to go, only to be replaced by a mouth ulcer and back pain. These are all signs of being run down, or having your platelets and red blood cells anihillated. But they are slowly coming back, I guess, and you need sleep, vitamins and exercise in order to increase their levels. It is interesting to observe the body's changes in response to chemotherapy, and it's true that it's just as you are coming right again you get zapped with more. Luckily I have one more to go. Next Wednesday, before chemotherapy, I have to have another  cardiac gated pool scan to see how my heart is holding up under Herceptin. Hopefully all will be well so that I can continue with Herceptin (immunotherapy) for the next seven months. Besides possible side effects to the heart, it should be much less of a stress on the body than the chemo.

I was dismayed to read earlier this week that wearing a bra for over 12 hours a day can contribute to breast cancer because it prevents good lymphatic drainage of the breast region. I have always worn a bra, even to bed (softer ones), but it kind of upset me that such a thing could have contributed to me getting this cancer. That, and drinking processed (non organic) milk - who would have thought milk would be bad for you?! I have tried to give up milk but it has proved to be very difficult to give up pasturised, homogenised milk in my tea, so I use it sparingly. And I'm hoping that not wearing a bra to bed will help with the lymphodema (swelling) that is starting under my arms where the lymph nodes were removed.

I have started yoga. It is fun!

Teaching (and parties)

I've been doing some relief teaching at primary schools recently, and it's been lots of fun. I have learned that Catholic primary schools are often called St Francis or St Josephs, and that they spend quite a time in the morning on the prayer and affirmations. I've been at 5 in the past few weeks, supervising from year 1s through to year 7s and it's been very interesting seeing how the curriculum and learning progresses. Some teachers have the classroom regimented and little year 3s with their sense of fairness can be well disciplined, responsible, and carry out a range of tasks. One little girl drew a picture specially for me, while in another school another little girl welcomed me with some flowers. Some year 7s are independent learners, while others don't seem to 'get the message' and struggle with organisation. But, as we know in senior school, by year 9 the wheels have fallen off for many as their hormones kick in and they have forgotten all the manners they learned in primary school. They're the guys I usually teach. Really, though, why does it have to be that way? There is a discontinuity between junior and high school that ought to be redressed, I think.

Anyway, I've struggled for a few years to get a permanent part-time position teaching high school science and maths within a 10Km radius of home (this includes many schools). Perhaps I was being too fussy. Doing relief teaching has widened my horizons, and hopefully this will help me get a satisfying yet not too pressurised job in the new year. I have a BSc and Hons, yet they say there are not enough qualified teachers in the system. Here is an article about a teacher who drew blood (WTF?!) in a strange "science" experiment. So some of us might look askance at students who do silly things, but what can we do when the teachers are doing crazy, erratic and downright dangerous things to the kids? It's a world gone mad, I tell ya!

On a different topic, we are going to an 18th birthday party this weekend, and a 50th next weekend. Looking back on my life (as I do a lot, nowadays), I realised I've been to hardly any parties. Yes, it is a bit sad. I had a disco for my 15th and a barbeque at my family home for my 21st, but I don't actually remember being invited to any school friends' parties (oh, except Sandra Sutherland's, which is a whole other story). Perhaps I have a bad memory. We didn't have a school formal and most rapidly dispersed to overseas unis after final exams. Kids these days are lucky they have a big formal and big parties; hopefully they will treasure the memories and friendships that come from them. Have you been to your fair share of parties?

Spring cleaning

Well, I just saw that I'd not actually published yesterday's post. How lazy can you get? I couldn't even push the "Publish Post" button!

Here's a delightful and poignant short film called "New Boy" about a Zimbabwean boy's first day in an Irish classroom:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdeioVndUhs

Spring is in the air here; the smell of jasmine in the evening is lovely. My friend and I have been cleaning the house today - I've even cleaned the 'fridge and sorted out a tiny bit more of the massive mountain of 'kiddie crap' and teaching materials. Pity I don't have the same energy to devote to doing my taxes and getting paperwork ready for a medical rebate!

Click on the link to check out our Monarto Zoo Visit photos. Monarto zoo is about an hour's drive out of Adelaide, and it is a large area of land that accommodates mainly African animals. Kangaroos and emus roam freely, while the rock wallabies and other African animals were enclosed. The chimp enclosure is state-of-the-art. I couldn't get good photos of the hyenas, lions, or cheetah, because the lady driver was going too fast!

Dead cells

Monday 6 September: I've had quite a few days in bed, in the land of the 'chemo zombie'. Time to get up and about, now. The nausea hasn't quite gone away; I guess the chemicals kill all the fast-growing cells all down your digestive tract so that gets a bit inflamed. On the weekend the metallic taste started in my taste buds. Also, interestingly, the cold cap did burn the top of my right ear - I kind of thought it had, and when skin peeled off I realised it could indeed happen. I am putting zinc oxide cream on the inside of my nose to protect it, as most of the nose hairs are gone. This results in a nose that alternately drips and crusts up. "Yeah? Charming!" you say, but I bet you've always just taken your nose hairs for granted!  Just like eyebrows - you don't miss 'em till they're (almost) gone.

I've lots to do and plan for the weeks ahead, but I've very little energy to do it in. I'd better make a start.
Have a lovely day, and thank God for even the littlest things in your life - like skin cells, taste buds, hairs ....

Tee shirt designs for the 'cancer conscious'

Feel like I've been kicked in the guts

I had so much energy yesterday evening after chemo that ran from 11am to 3pm. But I haven't been too well today at all. I decided to cut down my doses of Dexamethazone further (it is a steroid with anti-nausea and anti-inflammatory effects), so only took my dose yesterday morning before they gave me another dose just before inserting the IV. I took the anti-nausea herbal medicine but needed the other Dexamethazone this morning, along with headache pills. I have had some lymphoedema in my arm where the nodes were taken out and I've been drifting in and out of sleep all morning (something that wouldn't usually have started until late Friday/Saturday). But perhaps this is a good thing because the residual effects of the chemo might leave my body sooner! Pity I missed the dentist appointment for my daughter as a result, but then I did manage to drag my pale-faced aching body through a quick shop before getting the girls from school. Joy joined us for afternoon tea, and it's always lovely having a visitor to take your mind off your worries. My Mum and Rose have also phoned to find out how I am, and that's nice too!

So, I'm going to take it easy again tomorrow. It's lovely lying in bed being helpless - it gives you permission to duck out of life and not have to go anywhere or be anything to anyone. I've enjoyed the relief teaching but it's also nice to have a break. Some people have no choice but to work throughout chemo, whilst others are unable to work or even do exercise. I am going to keep aiming to fill my life with some work, some exercise and quite a lot of relaxing. I hope you do, too!

The Drugs Are Good

A cool poem from http://chemothug.blogforacure.com/weblog


I‘m the impatient patient - waiting to be seen

I’m waiting for my drugs to treat bad cells mean


It’s tense in here; you can smell the fear

Will they or won’t they come up with our gear?


I’m going in now to make a drug deal

Hope it’s good shit - 'cause I really need to heal


The drugs are good, the users keen

The pharmacist's our dealer on the PBS scheme ....


The other pill heads are after my drugs

I need to hide my meds to stop these chemo thugs

I’m a pill-popping patient; I’m dozing in my bed

I’ve finally earned the title of "The hard core chemo head"


I’m dangerous;  I’m a chemo thug ....

the pharmacist – I’d love to mug

I want every pill he can offer

I've become a total PBS drug scoffer


The pharmacist was the one who's dealing

What he said to me was quite revealing

"I’m qualified. I’m your PBS healer -

I’m the real deal; I’m your drug dealer!"


The drugs are good, the users keen

The pharmacist's our dealer on the PBS scheme ....


I’m in the dreaded Dpartment of Oncology

They’re taking a look at my mutant pathology

The scientists have some excellent technology

- they want to nuke my errant biology

It’s a matter of faith and it tests my personal theology

.... it’s massively unnerving my current psychology


I’m not trying to be a hero

I’m just trying to get through my chemo

I feel like I’m floating on the ceiling

I’m on drugs

I’m on drugs .....

Preoccupied with things ...........

I don't know what's kept me preoccupied. Well, actually, there have been a few things but surely not significant enough to keep me away from the blog for THREE weeks! One is preparing the medical spreadsheet in order to submit our tax return, and the other is that I have been doing some relief teaching. I've really enjoyed the four different days at four different Catholic primary schools (for a change) - littlies sure do sap your energy! I've been very impressed generally with the good work ethic and respect found in primary schools; something I think perhaps teenagers lose on the way to high school.

Physically I'm doing well. I've had a good day again at chemo today, helped along by upbeat humour from our efficient nurses and interesting chats with the bubbly younger ladies I spoke with at the last chemo session. We talked about lymphodema, and wigs and makeup, among other things. An older Italian lady gave me wise advice about keeping up hope and staying around positive people. The atmosphere at the treatment centre is very supportive; people are kind to each other and show their concern. I really like that, and try to reciprocate or pay it forward. If only we could all be like that all the time, eh? It was the same consideration and attentiveness I felt at the "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop I went to on Monday. We were given lots of free make-up (score!) and shown how to apply it (including pencilling in eyebrows if necessary). The lady from Bonnie Wigs demonstrated a number of such lovely wigs it made me want to get one even though I don't need it. I liked the short Racquel Welsh wigs with feathered neckline the best. Perhaps every woman should have a wig that represents her 'alter ego'?

I still feel guilty that I am not getting around to doing enough exercise, not juicing enough, not meditating and not sorting out the stuff in the house (spring cleaning). But I guess these things will come. They will have to, really, as I NEED to learn to balance work and my own health needs. Looks like I am on the way to lymphodema in my right upper arm if I don't start attending to it soon. Mum sent me a newspaper article explaining how a good yoga session is equivalent to going jogging. I have just found that right now I can't be bothered to get up and go to exercises, and if I teach all day I tend to forget to look after myself (drink lots of water, eat a healthy lunch, and take my vitamins). We should all be encouraged to have these moments in our day where we can recharge and re-focus ourselves, but I'm afraid I've chosen a profession that doesn't really allow for that. On a relief teaching day, in a 'lunchbreak' on usually on yard duty sipping on old cold recess coffee and making sure kids don't hurt each other! At least I do get days off here and there where I can make sure I will recuperate, and have chiropractic or a massage. How is YOUR balance of work, relaxation and family panning out?

Thank you, again, for those who are praying for me or sending positive thoughts. I pray that you will be blessed for your kindness, for which I am truly grateful ....... thank you   x x  

Laura Tew | Create your badge

Had a good day

The chemotherapy went fine yesterday, mostly without incident. At the treatment centre I met two lovely young ladies; one just starting her chemo journey and the other soon to complete her year's Herceptin. We learned interesting things off each other. One had her Mum there, and she gave me advice for making soups and taking nutrients like pectin and vitamin D. So today I finally made the chicken soup I have been longing for. I bought a free range chook and weighed it at different stages. Interestingly almost exactly half of the chicken was inedible - skin, fat and bones. The rest consisted of lovely lean meat and then other bits (including neck, etc) for the pet. First I cut off the skin and fat, and boiled the carcass with veggies to make stock. After half an hour or so I removed the good meat and kept it aside, returning the bones to the stock for another hour of cooking. Then I sieved it, added fresh cut-up pieces of carrot, broccoli and corn and cooked it for another half hour before adding the meat and cooked brown rice to the soup. Everyone ate it up this evening, so it was worth all the effort!

My doctor said that if I really wanted to go and teach it shouldn't be a problem, as my white blood cell levels have been returning to good levels every time. It's amazing that hearing a positive affirmation gives one such confidence. So today I have had another look at the physics material I hope to teach in 10 days or so. It's fine if the job doesn't pan out - I shall do some relief teaching instead. I find that it keeps me upbeat, and stops me from becoming brain-dead and lazy.

I've had a good day today, energy-wise. I didn't take the anti-nausea medication and consequently I did feel a little queasy. But I took the herbal stuff and also had some freshly made juice (celery, kiwi, green apple, and ginger) for lunch. I've even had a little jog, meditated and taken the dog for a walk!

Chemo this morning

It's been a quiet week. I didn't go to any exercise classes but I did a little jogging. Even a minute or two gets the heart rate up, which sets you up for the day. My health improved and the ulcer went away. As they say, no sooner are you feeling normal again, it's time for chemo again!

An issue came up over the weekend, about the amount of money my naturopath medicines are costing. It is rather expensive, but what price is your health? What amount of money are you worth? It's a question I've been thinking about over the past few days - one has to be realistic, and take into account how much you have available in the first place. Firstly, the naturopath medicines are helping me enormously - I read other blogs by women undergoing treatment for breast cancer and many have very uncomfortable symptoms. I know from my first chemo session (which wasn't pleasant), my recovery from subsequent ones has been very good. Secondly, my parents very kindly sent me some money specifically to make my life easier, which includes the immune boosters and vitamins, as well as the home help I get to make my house sparkly once a week. I can't tell you how great it makes me feel to have a neat and clean house, even if it is for only 24 hours (before it's a mess again)!

I was offered a four week contract to teach Physics, which starts in 10 days or so. It would run during my chemo but I am thinking about doing it. Well, I dug out my Physics teaching materials and had a good look over past exam papers. Would I be able to answer the questions? Hmm, not sure about that any more. I've only ever taught one semester of Year 11 Physics, and that was 5 years ago. I have not exactly been given job opportunities or mentoring to help my teaching skills in this area, and with my 'chemo brain' at the moment perhaps it's unfair to take the position! Still, it has me thinking ..... perhaps I should get prepared for whatever opportunities the future may bring. One such way is to use this time to go in and watch other Physics teachers in action.

I'm a bit nervous about chemo this morning. I didn't sleep very well, but for once I didn't stay awake for two hours as I sometimes do if I wake up at 3am. I tried to meditate by repeatedly saying a mantra, and this prevented other thoughts and worries from establishing themselves in my mind. It worked, and it was very pleasing. I have avoided taking the 'night before' anti-nausea medication, and will try again to cut down on this stuff because it messes with your body. The herbal stuff tastes foul, though! So, I hope to write tomorrow, knowing that many of you are thinking of me today and I thank you for that.

Have a good day!

In a Funk, or the Doldrums?

What's the difference? I'm that indecisive that I can't decide whether I'm in a funk or in the doldrums. I can't seem to get anything done. There are loads of things I feel I ought to get done, but there's this rebellious little part of me that making me feel as if I couldn't care less. It's getting to be a bit of a worry, and extends to things like taking my (10+) vitamins on time, rinsing out my mouth with salt water every few hours, exercising, etc. Surely the part of me that cares deeply about myself would WANT to nurture me?

I have done some decisive things this week, though. I dragged myself to aerobics class on Monday and enjoyed it thoroughly. Yesterday (Wednesday) I got called to do relief teaching at MM girls' school and I had a wonderful day - hope I don't get 'flu now! Today I went to group therapy for the second time, but perhaps I should not join this group as it is for people whose cancer has come back. A lovely lady there was so upbeat and positive; she's off to Europe soon, and she gave us some very helpful advice about juicing. At the moment I think it's a schlep but perhaps I really could get into it. I'm trying to visualise a 'new me' and my 'new normal' lifestyle that would incorporate all the things like yoga, aerobic excercise, swimming, praying, fun time with kids, loving time with husband, preparing healthy meals and teaching students in a relaxed environment (ha!). It's either going to be very difficult, or impossible, and I may have to re-think some of the options!

The day of relief teaching did temporarily inspire me to have another go at getting my teaching materials in order, onto electronic media. But I achieved none of that today, unfortunately. I did go for a walk and send some emails (including one to the politician who keeps sending us paper-wasting missives, and another to complain about G's teacher).

When you have chemo and you get a mouth sore or cut, it doesn't go away quickly. I have had a mouth ulcer for days, which I'm sure would go away sooner if I looked after myself better .................

Happy week

Well, it's taken a few days but the office is looking a lot better and you can actually move in it now! I hope to post before and after pics, just for a laugh.

I let Belle, the naturopath, know about my fingers being tingly and she gave me activated B6 which should help. I was panicking because I read some comments from women online who'd had irreversible neuropathy, but after speaking with my oncologist I felt much better. He didn't seem to think it was a problem and that it would be reversible, so that's a relief.

Meawhile, although I am looking well and everyone says so, I am not feeling too happy with myself. I am kind of bored at the same time as feeling guilty because I know there's a lot I SHOULD be doing. I ought to be exercising more, doing deep breathing, eating at set times and transferring all my teaching materials to electronic format. Not browsing the internet for binaural meditation tracks and going through old emails {if you've not heard from me for a while, it may be because I'd read your email and become distracted}. I think of you all, working at your jobs and enjoying the fact that you are wanted and needed in your workplace. You are lucky. I know I should be using this time creatively, to have fun and get healthy, but I fear I may just be getting lazier ......

Tingly fingers

It's another beautiful sunny Adelaide morning. The wind is pretty chilly and there'll be rain later but there's not a cloud in the sky at present. I just went for a nice walk and now face a very messy room to tidy up (my "office", which is a disgrace). Blogging and reading the witty (often funny) blogs of other women facing cancer treatment is FAR more interesting .....

Yesterday I went to see the beautiful Belle, my naturopath. She spent an hour with me, patiently explaining (again) why I needed certain medications. Most are vitamins, antioxidants and intestinal flora. There was one I had run out of some days earlier, and couldn't really see the point of taking. She reminded me that it was an anti-oxidant specifically to prevent nerve damage. I've read about neuropathy; initial symptoms are a tingling in the fingertips. By last night, guess what I had? Hot, tingly fingerpads. Now, I don't know if it was due to the washing up I did without wearing gloves (naughty), which may have caused more exfoliation than usual. Or the copious amount of hand-washing necessary for good hygiene in the chemo patient. Or psychosomatic symptoms imagined by the hypochondriac in me. But it feels real to me, and I've become acutely aware of what we need our fingertips for (typing, for one) - I've taken two Lipoec tabs this morning and won't be skipping any more doses.

I've noticed that my eyebrows and lashes have thinned out. I do hope I don't lose them; that could indeed be worse than losing hair on the head because it kind of defines your face, giving expression to your eyes (would my frown look the same?).

Oh, and I wanted to say that if you've been having difficulty in leaving a comment, you are not the only one. I don't know why that is, and you shouldn't have to register to be a blogger in order to leave a comment (though I think it helps if you have a gmail account). When you leave a comment, it comes to me first for approval, and only then does it appear on the blog! No worries.

Getting better

The rollercoaster continues .... I went through the usual bad patch, with more nausea this time (because I chose not to take as much of the anti-nausea medication) but with my digestive system intact! I also appear to have got some contact dermatitis and slight skin infection - basically your body is trying to over-protect itself against these foreign invading toxins. It seems every round of treatment brings a new and interesting effect. But I think I'm handling them better. This time, instead of being chirpy for two days afterwards and then collapsing, I felt better about letting myself lie in bed for much of the time. I relaxed and read a lot; didn't even contact anyone. I could get used to being this lazy (I think that is what I am scared of, actually).

I was called by a high school to see if I'd like to do some relief teaching and even though I don't feel 100% I SO wanted to say yes! I felt I could do it {I can't though, if I want to avoid infection}. There is a lot of work to do at home, with spring cleaning and organising stuff, so I could be getting on with that. Except it's easier to avoid the mess than face up to it.

My daughters were gorgeous this afternoon (I don't know what they are after). First we went to the shops after school, to buy food for supper. We'd had a donation morning at Church yesterday, but had forgotten to buy consumables to donate. G reminded me to buy some things 'for the poor people', and with her own pocket money she bought some chocolate for the family and biscuits to donate. F actually helped me with the groceries, loading and unloading them to and from the car. I was a little stunned. Then, while I cooked, they set to vacuuming the car and emptying the dishwasher. I'm sure they're after something! Perhaps it was because I was disappointed in them this morning, and reminded them that Girl Guides are responsible and helpful, etc. They are going to make their initiation promises soon, and are probably after a badge as well as pocket money .....

Have a great week everyone! The weather our end seems to be sunnier, with the sun noticeably rising earlier now.

Feelin' queasy

Round three of chemo (halfway on the heavy drugs) went fairly well on Wednesday, except that I had to have the cold cap/gloves on for way too long because the nurse forgot to start the Taxotere IV. I bore the pain well at first but it just builds up and gets too unbearable at times. I pull my hands out, warm them up a bit and then shove them back into the freezing gel-filled mits. Can't eat, drink or read during this time because I can't grip anything (and it's usually lunchtime by then). There are 5 caps @ 35 min each and two pairs of gloves @ 45 min each. Brrrr!

Today was interesting. I attempted to avoid the anti-nausea medications (mainly Dexamethasone) which cause severe constipation. I had three different lots of anti-nausea meds on the day of chemo, and being steroids they have their own side effects. I consider myself to have been very brave today, taking the herbal medication instead. I had waves of queasiness and heartburn, but haven't puked yet! Yay! I've eaten well, which is also important.

Thank you to my family in South Africa who were and are thinking of me, and encouraging me so nicely. I really do appreciate that .....

From Drop Box

No matter how bad life has treated you, just walk tall with your head high!!!

Have a nice day! :)

Finally the sun's coming out this morning - seems like it's been cold and rainy all weekend. I'm having my first full cup of (decaf) coffee in weeks. After chemo in two days I won't feel like a coffee for a while.

The kids went back to school today (yay!) after a two-week winter break. Much as I love them, it's nice not to have them underfoot or asking interminable questions. They wore us down and got the Wii they wanted! {Actually I think it was mainly Arthur who wanted it, in order to play the "Avatar" game} They are WAY too good at SuperMario and Tennis, considering we've only had it two weeks!

I did get my hair cut; it's waaay short! Just like I had it when I was 27 (at RMB), except my face has more wrinkles. Now the cold can go all the way to my scalp and freeze my follicles to prevent any further hair loss.
Also, the 'flu finally seems to be leaving my throat and chest, though my nose is still runny. Now I just wish I had the energy to do some exercise ..... I'm just being lazy.

I think of you all, and wish you a happy day!

'Flu season

I guess I couldn't avoid it! I've been incapacitated by the dreaded 'lurgy. After accepting that I would not be able to teach classrooms of kids breathing viruses or germs on or near me, it happened to me in the school holidays! I literally stayed in bed for two days, taking herbal throat medicine on top of my copious amounts of vitamins. It was so bad I thought I'd caught a 'man cold' - I felt snotty and miserable. Finally, after five days I think I am on the mend. I do believe I will not require antibiotics, which is amazing! It started in my throat and tonsils, became a head cold and then tried to get into my lungs. Thank goodness Belle (my naturopath) has given me so much stuff to bolster my immunity. I can see it's really made a difference!

You might not want to know this but one effect of chemotherapy is that it can bring on menopause prematurely, which is why some women's hair grows back grey. They may stop having their monthly cycle altogether during treatment, and then permanently. Looks like mine has been disrupted by a week, but luckily it's not gone! I can only speak for my situation now; I'll only know long-term effects later.

I can't believe I still have my hair. Some started coming out a couple of weeks ago, but it didn't get worse. And I even need a haircut; that's nice to know!

I'm sorry if any emails are bouncing back. We attempted to change service providers, little realising it would entail over a week of being disconnected. I'm writing this using Arthur's dongle (as the actress said to the bishop).

Have a lovely weekend! {I have chemo to look forward to on Wednesday}

Letting go .... (and accepting my metabolic state)

It’s funny how things occur to let you know whether you are on the right track or not. Just before my second round of chemotherapy (aside from the urine infection) I felt healthy and energetic. I felt physically up to doing substitute teaching and let the one school know which would be my ‘optimum’ days for coming in. I even did a day of relief teaching and thoroughly enjoyed myself. However, during a counselling session at the Cancer Care Centre I had to admit that perhaps I’d be taking on a bit much by teaching; not so much from an energy point of view but the risk I run of exposing myself to viral infections this ‘flu season. I was advised to take this time out, to invest the next six months in myself. I would be doing my family and future health a favour. It actually bought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes to ‘let go’ of the desire to teach and be part of the work force. I had told myself that it would do me good to continue to participate in school life, but I think the fact is that I’m concerned about missing out on career opportunities as well as earning money. I’ll have to look at my attachments to these things, which are (let’s face it) drivers for many of us!

Another thing confirming the advice to let go of pushing myself was the results of my hair analysis and bone scan, done before chemotherapy began. For $120 you send a hair sample to InterClinical Laboratories NSW and the report sent back provides details of the balance of minerals and metals found in your hair. The results indicate that I have a slow metabolism with reduced secretion of adrenal and thyroid hormones. Nutrients are poorly absorbed and utilised, resulting in decreased energy production at the cellular level, which in turn exacerbates the slow metabolic rate. Symptoms include fatigue, dry skin, weight gain, depression and tendencies towards recurring viral infections. The naturopath said that the high levels of magnesium and calcium found in my hair indicate that I have been under stress, indicated by symptoms of dizziness and muscle cramps. The test revealed an elevated level of tin (a bit of a worry) and bismuth (not really a concern) but I was relieved to see very low levels of mercury and lead. Generally the results worried me because I wondered if my body being physically under stress over the past five years was linked to me getting breast cancer. Also, results of my full body scan showed some degeneration in shoulder joints, knees and sacro-illiac joint – I started to feel as if I am falling apart! I believe I seriously need to change my diet and exercise in order to prevent illness in the future. But for now, the naturopath has me taking lots of vitamins and IBS support to strengthen my immune and digestive systems in between bouts of chemotherapy. Perhaps I should just relax and get plenty of rest, and just enjoy this time off, eh? (I have plenty to do)

Good morning!

It's exactly 6am Tuesday as I start this, and I'm feeling much better. The after effects of the second round of chemotherapy were far easier to handle, as I learned and applied a lot from the first! After the chemo on Wednesday, I seem fine for the next two and a half days, though I take it easy. By Saturday mid-morning however I start to feel weird, lightheaded and sensorily overloaded. Lights and sounds are more intense and it's kind of like a high; a lie down is the best option. So I basically achieved nothing for the next two and a half days, which is cool. I drank a LOT more water and took a LOT more fibre and that really helped get rid of the toxic effects of the drugs.

It was wonderful to have Fred and his girls look after my girls for much of the weekend; sounds like they had a ball! They could watch television, and eat pizza and lollies till late. He took them to the faerie cave and chocolate factory the next day. Poor Arthur worked most of the weekend on transferring a huge mound of soil and compost to create a raised vegetable garden for me (so we can grow organic veggies); he also mowed the lawn and cooked food. I think he's taking a bit of strain .....

Jodie and her family kindly looked after the girls on Monday; it's lovely to have that extra help from friends who offer because they understand what it's like to have a really 'off' day, and it certainly lightens the load! Here's to getting slightly more energy every day from now on (for the next two weeks). It's also school holidays for the next two weeks! I am going apply to do relief teaching for the days that I anticipate feeling good next term, but there's is the question of my immunity (and students spluttering on me this winter) that I need to take into consideration.

Thank you to everyone who has been thinking of me; I'm sure it's all the prayers that have helped the treatment go a lot easier than it could otherwise have done. I really appreciate it. Have a lovely day!

Bing! Bing! seconds away .... Round Two!

My second round of chemotherapy today took from 10:00-15:30hr; not bad! It was fine, actually. First they insert a needle into the port and take some blood for checking the White Blood Cell (WBC) and platelet levels. If these are too low you cannot undergo chemo that day. I was fine, so they proceeded with the first lot of chemicals and put the first cap on. I had a total of 5 caps put on, each for 35min I think (as soon as it warms up, it is replaced with another). They give you brain freeze and it can be a bit painful, but NOTHING compared to the gloves! OMG! Instant frostbite! I had to have 3 fresh gloves put on every 40min or so and it was so very painful one time I just prayed a rapid novena for little Lilah. It would be pain at the end of two fingers, then of another one and then somewhere else. After a while I watched some Dr Phil and that helped .....

I am home now and feeling fine (touch wood - last time I said I felt fine that didn't last long, did it?). I hope to take it easy in the next few days, drinking lots of water and eating lots of fibre. My vitamins and immunity boosters (plus school holidays) should help!

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers today. It works! It all went very well - and I could "feel the love"!

I hope you get to this okay

Evening Update: Thank you to everyone who came to check out my blog. Sorry to the few people who didn't already know of my cancer diagnosis - I realise it came as a shock to you, but it's been such a time-consuming rollercoaster that after a while I didn't quite know how to broach the subject ..... anyway, it did provide us with the opportunity to reconnect via email or phonecall, so thanks for that!

Midday: I've spent the morning getting my blog site ready, so that you can read it and perhaps catch up to where I find myself today. You are currently in the "Home" part of the blog, but please first read the linked pages listed to the right of this text. It explains how and when I got diagnosed, etc. Then you'd come back to "Home" and read the earliest post which starts at the bottom of this page.

Have a lovely day! It's a cold and sunny day here in Adelaide, and I really must take the dog for a walk before I attempt some housework ....

Love
Laura x x

A wee setback

Well, after I posted about how well I was feeling, I found I had a urine infection. This can happen due to immunity hitting a 'low' (nadir) in the second week. What I needed urgently was an antibiotic. I obtained a script the next day, but the bug was resistant so I needed stronger stuff. The second antibiotic came with a long list of precautions as bad as chemotherapy drugs - similar possible side effects like heart or nerve damage (not to mention spontaneous 'tendon rupture'! Yikes!). As a patient, you are torn between wanting immediate relief/healing yet needing to be aware and wary of the chemicals you are putting into your body. It's a bit of a catch-22 situation. I hope I haven't done some damage to my body by taking this norfloxacin (banned in Ireland) because I have a chemo onslaught again on Wednesday!

Feeling Fine

I've had a great day today, feeling fine. I visited Sacred Heart to let them know when I'd be available for relief teaching, and it was great to chat with the other teachers and the ladies in the library. Lovely to get hugs and words of encouragement. It was a cool day by the beach and, after a bite to eat, I went for a walk with the dog. She sleeps in the car while I'm out chatting with someone - I then went to see my another friend and we had a lovely long chat over a cuppa. Since I also had stuff to take to Mitcham Girls, I dropped in there and it was good to see all my old colleagues and friends. Left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside ....

(little did I know that was the beginning of a urine infection)