Had a good day

The chemotherapy went fine yesterday, mostly without incident. At the treatment centre I met two lovely young ladies; one just starting her chemo journey and the other soon to complete her year's Herceptin. We learned interesting things off each other. One had her Mum there, and she gave me advice for making soups and taking nutrients like pectin and vitamin D. So today I finally made the chicken soup I have been longing for. I bought a free range chook and weighed it at different stages. Interestingly almost exactly half of the chicken was inedible - skin, fat and bones. The rest consisted of lovely lean meat and then other bits (including neck, etc) for the pet. First I cut off the skin and fat, and boiled the carcass with veggies to make stock. After half an hour or so I removed the good meat and kept it aside, returning the bones to the stock for another hour of cooking. Then I sieved it, added fresh cut-up pieces of carrot, broccoli and corn and cooked it for another half hour before adding the meat and cooked brown rice to the soup. Everyone ate it up this evening, so it was worth all the effort!

My doctor said that if I really wanted to go and teach it shouldn't be a problem, as my white blood cell levels have been returning to good levels every time. It's amazing that hearing a positive affirmation gives one such confidence. So today I have had another look at the physics material I hope to teach in 10 days or so. It's fine if the job doesn't pan out - I shall do some relief teaching instead. I find that it keeps me upbeat, and stops me from becoming brain-dead and lazy.

I've had a good day today, energy-wise. I didn't take the anti-nausea medication and consequently I did feel a little queasy. But I took the herbal stuff and also had some freshly made juice (celery, kiwi, green apple, and ginger) for lunch. I've even had a little jog, meditated and taken the dog for a walk!

Chemo this morning

It's been a quiet week. I didn't go to any exercise classes but I did a little jogging. Even a minute or two gets the heart rate up, which sets you up for the day. My health improved and the ulcer went away. As they say, no sooner are you feeling normal again, it's time for chemo again!

An issue came up over the weekend, about the amount of money my naturopath medicines are costing. It is rather expensive, but what price is your health? What amount of money are you worth? It's a question I've been thinking about over the past few days - one has to be realistic, and take into account how much you have available in the first place. Firstly, the naturopath medicines are helping me enormously - I read other blogs by women undergoing treatment for breast cancer and many have very uncomfortable symptoms. I know from my first chemo session (which wasn't pleasant), my recovery from subsequent ones has been very good. Secondly, my parents very kindly sent me some money specifically to make my life easier, which includes the immune boosters and vitamins, as well as the home help I get to make my house sparkly once a week. I can't tell you how great it makes me feel to have a neat and clean house, even if it is for only 24 hours (before it's a mess again)!

I was offered a four week contract to teach Physics, which starts in 10 days or so. It would run during my chemo but I am thinking about doing it. Well, I dug out my Physics teaching materials and had a good look over past exam papers. Would I be able to answer the questions? Hmm, not sure about that any more. I've only ever taught one semester of Year 11 Physics, and that was 5 years ago. I have not exactly been given job opportunities or mentoring to help my teaching skills in this area, and with my 'chemo brain' at the moment perhaps it's unfair to take the position! Still, it has me thinking ..... perhaps I should get prepared for whatever opportunities the future may bring. One such way is to use this time to go in and watch other Physics teachers in action.

I'm a bit nervous about chemo this morning. I didn't sleep very well, but for once I didn't stay awake for two hours as I sometimes do if I wake up at 3am. I tried to meditate by repeatedly saying a mantra, and this prevented other thoughts and worries from establishing themselves in my mind. It worked, and it was very pleasing. I have avoided taking the 'night before' anti-nausea medication, and will try again to cut down on this stuff because it messes with your body. The herbal stuff tastes foul, though! So, I hope to write tomorrow, knowing that many of you are thinking of me today and I thank you for that.

Have a good day!

In a Funk, or the Doldrums?

What's the difference? I'm that indecisive that I can't decide whether I'm in a funk or in the doldrums. I can't seem to get anything done. There are loads of things I feel I ought to get done, but there's this rebellious little part of me that making me feel as if I couldn't care less. It's getting to be a bit of a worry, and extends to things like taking my (10+) vitamins on time, rinsing out my mouth with salt water every few hours, exercising, etc. Surely the part of me that cares deeply about myself would WANT to nurture me?

I have done some decisive things this week, though. I dragged myself to aerobics class on Monday and enjoyed it thoroughly. Yesterday (Wednesday) I got called to do relief teaching at MM girls' school and I had a wonderful day - hope I don't get 'flu now! Today I went to group therapy for the second time, but perhaps I should not join this group as it is for people whose cancer has come back. A lovely lady there was so upbeat and positive; she's off to Europe soon, and she gave us some very helpful advice about juicing. At the moment I think it's a schlep but perhaps I really could get into it. I'm trying to visualise a 'new me' and my 'new normal' lifestyle that would incorporate all the things like yoga, aerobic excercise, swimming, praying, fun time with kids, loving time with husband, preparing healthy meals and teaching students in a relaxed environment (ha!). It's either going to be very difficult, or impossible, and I may have to re-think some of the options!

The day of relief teaching did temporarily inspire me to have another go at getting my teaching materials in order, onto electronic media. But I achieved none of that today, unfortunately. I did go for a walk and send some emails (including one to the politician who keeps sending us paper-wasting missives, and another to complain about G's teacher).

When you have chemo and you get a mouth sore or cut, it doesn't go away quickly. I have had a mouth ulcer for days, which I'm sure would go away sooner if I looked after myself better .................

Happy week

Well, it's taken a few days but the office is looking a lot better and you can actually move in it now! I hope to post before and after pics, just for a laugh.

I let Belle, the naturopath, know about my fingers being tingly and she gave me activated B6 which should help. I was panicking because I read some comments from women online who'd had irreversible neuropathy, but after speaking with my oncologist I felt much better. He didn't seem to think it was a problem and that it would be reversible, so that's a relief.

Meawhile, although I am looking well and everyone says so, I am not feeling too happy with myself. I am kind of bored at the same time as feeling guilty because I know there's a lot I SHOULD be doing. I ought to be exercising more, doing deep breathing, eating at set times and transferring all my teaching materials to electronic format. Not browsing the internet for binaural meditation tracks and going through old emails {if you've not heard from me for a while, it may be because I'd read your email and become distracted}. I think of you all, working at your jobs and enjoying the fact that you are wanted and needed in your workplace. You are lucky. I know I should be using this time creatively, to have fun and get healthy, but I fear I may just be getting lazier ......